Emmett's Gift To Edward and Bella
by hopelessromantic007
Summary: Emmett decides that since Edward and Bella are engaged he should give them a gift. It's something only Emmett would consider giving.


Hey I don't own Twilight or these song lyrics I just made certain characters sing them

_Hey I don't own Twilight or these song lyrics I just made certain characters sing them._

I couldn't figure out what was going on. Apparently Emmett and Jasper had something planned for Edward and I as an engagement gift, thing. The only thing that terrified me was the fact that Edward looked puzzled and mystified.

We all waited in the living room for them. We included; Renee, Esme, Carlisle, Rose, Alice, and Edward and I.

"What are they thinking?" I asked my fiancé quietly.

"They are translating the Declaration of Independence into Swahili." He leaned closer to me and wrapped his arm around my waist.

"Oh crap," We both whispered at the same moment. Alice was trying so hard not to laugh that she had to stop breathing.

Soon Emmett came out with two bar stools in hand, and Jasper followed holding a guitar. They were both practically beaming. I looked up at Edward for a moment, he looked petrified.

"Okay. You guys are probably wondering why we have called you all in here." Emmett positioned himself on the stool as everyone nodded. "Well Jazz and I have written a song to express the joys of Edward and Bella's relationship." Emmett threw us a quick smile. I could physically feel Edward wanting to believe that Emmett would do something like this for us, but…um, things like this don't happen. Now we were both nervous.

Emmett cleared his throat as Jasper began strumming the guitar. Then the little hellion began singing, **A/N All the stuff in parenthesis, are Bella's thoughts **

_Hey there Christian princess_

_Trotting around in your low cut jeans _(Ok, I don't wear low cut jeans EVER)

_You're a precious moment_

_A real life figurine_

_With your soft sweet face _

_And your rose petal lips_

_A beautiful target mouths don't wanna miss_

_A beautiful chest that's been blessed by the best _(I can't think of a more awkward moment, than this. My brother-in-law talking about my boobs in front of my mother, _his_ mother, my fiancé, and me)

_A golden cross ridin between those breasts_ (Poor Edward is so floored by his brothers that he can't even move. He's not even blinking at this point; he just keeps pulling me closer to him trying to make us both disappear)

_And so you've got a boy now _(Emmett takes this opportunity to smile at Edward)

_A real life solder of God_

_He's got a head full of Jesus Christ_

_And an all state quarterbacks bod _(Sadly I found myself nodding at the lyrics at this point)

_You've reached the age when it's time to get engaged_

_You're a new bound princess in a tiger cage_

_And he's trying to unlock you with his eager hand_

_But you look him in the eye cuz you know he'll understand _(Every mouth that wasn't singing or smiling-Jasper, Alice- was hanging wide open. He did NOT just say that in front of my mother!)

_You tell him_

_We're engaged to be married_

_Here the bells go a ding and a dong_

_But lets not jump into bed yet_

_For the pants come off _

_When the ring goes on_

_Two, three, four,_

_I know that you love me_

_And you know about you that I care, yeah_

_But I'm not going to unzip my pants_

_And let you into my downstairs area! _(Ok, I have never wanted to die more than I did in this moment. This cannot be happening. I looked up at Edward who was still frozen and appeared to be thinking the same thing)

_And now you're glad you waited_

_For that all state quarterbacks bod_ (Emmett chose this moment to wink at me)

_His ball is on your goal line_

_There's fresh dew on the sod _(I take it back, now I wanted to die more that I ever have. Please tell me this is not happening. Poor Edward, his eyebrows were us so high they practically reached his hairline and his mouth was hanging open)

_You're wedding night's here_

_And it's time to get in gear_

_Your man sittin on the bed_

_And he's grinning ear to ear _

_The rice has been thrown _

_And the bells have been chimin'_

_So now it's time to bust that hy… _(Several gasps filled the room in that moment. I couldn't be sure if they were just from Edward and I, since I wasn't paying any attention to anyone else in the room)

"BOYS!" Esme yelled. Emmett was practically beaming at this point, so pleased with himself for causing Edward and I, this much discomfort so quickly.

Jasper strummed the guitar a few more times. Then the boys then bowed to the nonexistent applause. Everyone was a little to dazed to react until Jasper accidentally slammed the door.

Then Edward stood up. His eyebrows were scrunched together as if he were trying to solve an impossible math problem, his mouth was slightly open. He shook his head for a moment.

"Um, if you will, excuse me for one second." He mumbled, continuing to shake his head. He walked out of the room, very slowly and closed the door very quietly.

The next sound we heard sounded like something was being run over by an eighteen wheeler and then we heard Emmett scream "Owww, Edward man can't you take a joke?"

Then Edward re-entered the living room, still looking dazed and confused while Esme offered Renee some coffee. Could life be any weirder for us? No, I didn't think so.

**Ok, that song if from Last Comic Standing, it's God's Pottery singing 'The Pants Come Off When the Ring Goes On'. I heard the song and immediately thought it was something Emmett would do to embarrass Edward and Bella. Sorry if you guys hated this, I thought it was funny **

**/watch?vDFLL6w6MhRk**


End file.
